RETRO 04.12.2004

Sorry guys... I'm an admitted disorganized person... so the entries that I'm posting won't be in any particular order. Ideally, I'd like to start from the beginning, but I wrote all these things in random notebooks that are spread out all over my room!

Well, anyway, this might be the closest thing to the beginning. I found a journal entry of when I was first diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. What I write about colitis before I found out the Specific Carbohydrate diet will be negative... because the illness physically and emotionally draining... so of course even I would be cranky. lol

This was also at a time when I didn't really understand what was going on with me, so the information might not be accurate. I was only getting information from what a doctor said or some random nurse said or whatever anyone told me at the time. I've had this illness for almost 5 years!!! I think I'm doing ok now. Yay!

(Originally written 4 years ago - April 12, 2004)

Man... I feel so exhausted today. I think I had a nervous breakdown of some sort. I have been very stressed out lately. I am frustrated with everything too. I just really need a job. A real job right now. I feel like I'm trying my hardest too but with no results...

Anyway, I have a lost sense of time. All of the stress has gotten me very sick. I ended up being admitted to the hospital. Once to the emergency room because I've had stomach pains and diarrhea for more than a week. A few days later, I had to stay at the hospital because they found that I have a serious illness called ulcerative colitis. In Lamen's terms, it means that I have cuts in the latter part of my large intestines giving me a "swollen colon". This condition is recurring and I might have to take pills for the rest of my life.

Seriously, I don't ever want to be in a hospital ever again. I hate the smell. And its so lonely. They were feeding me intravenously through an IV. It really was a struggle to wheel that thing to the bathroom [because it was attached to me]. Especially if one has diarrhea.

Things are almost back to normal. I went to work for the first time in almost 3 weeks. Work is still awful. I really don't belong there. I also need insurance... badly. The cost of my hospital stay was more than $50,000. I was so lucky I was cleared with Charity Care to pay for the bill.

I know getting a real job will be a huge weight off my shoulders. I would finally be able to breathe and feel like I can start to live.