RETRO! 9.3.2005

Ha ha! I'm finally posting on a Wednesday! I'm almost caught up with all the entries that I owe you.

Retro 9.3.2005
Today is one of those days where I wished I was dead. I feel worthless. I need money but I can't get a job. I hate being sick. It could be worse I guess... I hate being lonely. Today the pain isn't Ulcerative Colitis. Its in my heart. Is this how its going to be? Am I going to be lonely forever? I hate being depressed. I don't feel like doing anything.

I don't feel social today but I want attention. I still don't feel like doing anything. So restless. I want to talk to someone but I don't feel like moving my mouth. Its too much effort.

I just watched American Psycho. I feel even worse than before. I want to eat my sorrows away. I am craving dried mangoes but we don't have any. I could go out and get some but there are several reasons why its wrong:
1) Its too hot outside
2) I don't have any money
3) I'm not even supposed to eat them

Maybe I'll just go to sleep. This would be my second nap of the day...

(written later the same day)
I tried to take a nap but its not that kind of tired. I'm almost certain that my pills make me feel crazy. My hair is falling out because of the pills. I feel so ugly. I'm scared and I just want things to change.