Originally written on 12.24.2005
I don't know why I can't be happy. I feel so empty inside. With my poor health I'm relying more and more on the assets that I still have. I mean, I'm not ugly and I would hope to say that I'm fairly attractive. This is probably making me sound like a vain person. But really, I don't have much else to hold on to. As every day passes. I feel like I don't have as much talent as I thought I did.
I really should stop comparing myself to the success of others, but if I did have talent, wouldn't I have been rewarded by now? Really, what does it take? Money won't buy me happiness. I just need a certain amount of success to make me happy.